Such a man

On Monday, I started searching online for possible Valentine’s Day gift ideas for Chris. I ended up at ThinkGeek.com which has geeky gifts. Since he and I are geeky, that worked for me. I forwarded some of the things I liked to Sophie. I saw some cheesy shirts and wanted to get them, but since we weren’t saying ‘I love you’ I didn’t think they would be appropriate. I was feeling cheesy though.

Chris and I talked about just cooking a meal together for Valentine’s Day since we were both in what we called ‘super budgeting mode.’ Even though we were in that, he did message me that day to see if I would want to with him and his family to see Bill Maher in March. Tickets were $60, not cheap, but it was one of those things to spring for. I liked how we were planning so far ahead for things to do together.

He had starting posting photos of me on his Facebook, which was his step toward telling the rest of his family and friends that I exist and he likes me, and then eventually saying we are a couple. Underneath one of the photos, his mom commented, “Who is Anne? You know I have to ask these questions!” I laughed, and he said he needed to call her.

While discussing Valentine’s Day, Chris suggested I buy a sexy outfit to wear for him. He wrote, “Oh, the outfits I’ve imagined you in…” He was such a man and I loved it. It seemed like so many men I had previously dated had been very ‘meh’ about all that stuff. I loved that he showed so much interest in it. It was another one of those things that felt very high school with him in a very good way.

I realized that day that I wouldn’t be able to live with Chris for two or more years since he would be moving. Part of me pouted while part of me thought, “Woohoo!” I loved having my own space and alone time so much after my ex moved out. Though I also thought it would be nice to live with Chris because he is quite awesome and fun to look at. Yes, I checked him out constantly. He and I both did that, and it felt so good to feel that way. I really felt the relationship would last a long time. It felt so right. I had never felt this happy with a guy and been able to be myself this much.

I felt like I pretty much loved him already. I thought, if he left my life this instant I would be very upset. With each day that went by, I felt I would be even more upset over a possible breakup/disappearance/death/whatever. (Yes, I am very imaginative.) But it also felt okay. I hated the idea of being broken hearted, but it seemed worth it for the happiness I was currently feeling. After all, happiness like this seemed to be good for my body. It caused lots of endorphins and less stress.

Chris told me his grandparents were coming down for the weekend and bringing a distant young cousin with them who was visiting from Germany. He and his sister planned to take her out on the town and he wanted me to come with them. I was excited to meet more of his family, as well as hang out with someone from outside the United States.

I dragged Sophie to Target with me after work to search for gifts. I knew he liked gummy bears so that was a definite buy. I found the $10 funny t-shirt area for men and searched for a shirt I thought would be a good fit for him. I ended up with a ‘White Castle Employee of the Month’ t-shirt.

After Target, Sophie and I planned to meet Chris for dinner at Chuy’s. This would be their first time to meet.

Chris's memories from the last post

After Chris read the last post, he wrote this about his memories of that time:

I watched her test the strength of the ice on the edge of the stream we were standing near.  She seemed very engaged in the task so I took the opportunity to sneak up and give her a playful shove, being sure to hold on to her so she didn't actually go anywhere.  She looked so irresistibly cute when she pouted about my little attempt that I couldn't hold back any longer.  I wrapped my hands around her slender waist and lifted her up in my arms.  I just wanted to have her at that moment.  We giggled a little and I brought her down to my lips for a kiss.  Her soft, warm lips were a wonderful contrast to the freezing cold air.  I picture us making out in the snow next to that frozen stream and just the thought of how I felt at that moment makes me feel warm to this day. I was in love with her before I even knew what was happening.

I felt pretty banged up at the end of the sledding for sure.  I was having such a good time through that I kept going long after I was in pain. 

I don't remember her stomach hurting when we were at the hookah lounge. She was doing an awesome job hiding it and being sexy!

Shopping with her was great because I felt really amazing putting on the right sized clothes and those ‘wow’ looks I was getting from her did a number on my ego.   

He's the one

Dallas ended up being snowed and iced in for the remainder of that week. I had the joy of working from home for the rest of the week, as did Chris. We were supposed to go to Cirque du Soleil Ovo on Tuesday night but it was cancelled due to the weather.

While we both sat at home on Tuesday, we instant messaged each other through Skype, and kept saying how nice it would be to be cuddled together to stay warm. He wanted to come to my apartment, but when he looked outside and saw that the roads were pure ice he decided not to risk it. I had planned to go to Oklahoma that weekend to visit friends and family, but realized it would still be freezing over the weekend. I wrote him, “Hopefully we will be able to see each other tomorrow.” He wrote back, “The second the main roads are safe I’m coming over.” I told him to just not risk anything. We chatted back and forth about how I was out of tea and how his stepmom was making homemade popcorn. I even took the time to bathe my cats, which is always a tough thing to do.

On Wednesday, he decided it was safe to come over to visit me. Clare and I were instant messaging that day, and she wrote, “If he brings you tea, he’s the one.” I cracked up, and hoped that he would bring tea. I have an unhealthy obsession with unsweet tea. And I can’t seem to make it right myself. I buy myself gallons of it from McAlister’s Deli and Chick-fil-A. I was shocked when Chris arrived carrying two gallons of unsweet tea. He and I both love unsweet tea. We kept each other warm that day and he joined me for my addiction to Big Love. We watched most of season four that day. On Thursday, he had to work from his office while I worked from home again.

He picked me up Friday afternoon and we went to his place. We went for a walk in the snow and ice, back over to the creek we had visited the week before. We stood next to the iced over creek, and I tapped it with my boot a few times. Chris pretended to push me in, and then picked me up in the air, and we kissed.

A bunch of kids were sledding down a small hill by the side of the road. It was a sadly small hill for sledding, but we do live in Texas. Chris and I started chatting with some of the older kids. The kids started offering to let us use their sleds too. He immediately took a turn. I had never been on a sled before so I was a bit nervous, and had to have the kids show me how. Soon I was sledding down the hill and loving it. It felt great even when I landed in the bushes. We all took turns for a long time until Chris bruised his knee pretty badly and was done with it.

We went on another walk later and made snow angels, even taking video of it on his phone. We signed our names in the snow next to them.

On Friday night he said it was going to be so hard in a few months, especially if he falls in love with me. I found out he doesn't want to say, "I love you," for at least a year. He thought those words get used too much, and we could be complimenting and expressing our feelings for each other with more unique words. We admitted that we've both almost said, "I love you,” though.

The ice had melted by Saturday so we ventured out to try a few bubble tea restaurants (my addiction), to pick up my new prescription sunglasses, and take him clothes and shoe shopping. He had lost a lot of weight in the past few months so he needed some well-fitting clothes. We ended up at Kohl’s for everything. It was wonderful helping him shop and seeing him model the clothes. He looked so hot in his new clothes. I hoped I hadn’t dressed him in too tight of clothes, but I thought he looked sexy.

That night I was to meet his sister, Abby, for the first time. I was extremely nervous leading up to it. He and Abby are close, and hang out all the time. I really wanted her to like me. When I saw her I felt better. She was dressed casually in jeans and a Happy Bunny t-shirt (for all those who remember the Happy Bunny trend). She ended up being really nice and funny, and I felt pretty comfortable.  

The three of us decided to try out a hookah lounge by their dad’s house. It was BYOB so we first went to the nearby Tom Thumb to pick up some wine. The hookah lounge was Egyptian themed and very dark inside. We chatted and did some people watching while drinking and smoking, then oohed and ahhed when a belly dancer arrived. We enjoyed watching the belly dancer but were quickly becoming tired of smoking and drinking. My stomach hurt a lot though, so I wasn’t able to enjoy the evening as much as I could have. I felt so full from the dinner his stepmom had cooked and all the wine. Even though I felt disgusting, Chris kept shooting me the ‘I want you so bad’ looks. We left at midnight, and went back to their dad’s house for a round of Scrabble which I won. We finally went to bed at 3:30 a.m.

On Sunday we watched more of Big Love and just relaxed. He took me home at 8 p.m., and of course we ended up chatting on Skype before going to bed. We started planning for Valentine’s Day the next weekend.

Mathematically correct

I woke up that Saturday morning safely in Chris’s arms. I planned to go out later that night with some friends I had interned with previously, but my day was open and I wanted to spend it with him.

We took the day slowly, just relaxing. We decided to take walk since it was 70 degrees outside, amazing for January. He led me to a creek a few blocks from his house where there was a tiny, but pretty, waterfall. We sat on the edge of a little cliff looking over the creek and waterfall. I started rolling my jeans up from the heat. We talked for nearly an hour in that spot, mainly about the move and our feelings for each other. It was relaxing, and I felt extremely happy.

He suggested we go back to his house and get in the hammock in his backyard. I loved that idea. Hammocks are extremely comfortable. We walked back, got in the hammock, and napped a little. When we woke up we gazed into each other’s eyes, and I wanted to say, “Let’s be boyfriend-girlfriend,” or, “I love you.” Both thoughts kept running through my mind.

We moved back into the house, to his bed, and were soon rolling around together. After we finished, we cuddled and did more of our eye-M’s where we said, “I love you,” with our eyes. Again, I wanted to say either, “Let’s be boyfriend-girlfriend,” or, “I love you.” I weighed the options in my head, and decided I would sound less crazy if I said boyfriend-girlfriend.

“So…would you like to be boyfriend-girlfriend?” I finally asked, gazing up into his eyes. He instantly smiled and said yes. I was floating on air the rest of the afternoon.

I met up with my friends that evening, and when they asked what was new, I said, “So I just got a boyfriend today…” It was hilarious. We hadn’t seen each other in awhile, and they were very pleased I wasn’t with my ex anymore.

Chris and I hung out the next day, and I learned he wasn’t quite ready to tell his friends and family that he was in a relationship. But I understood his reasoning. He didn’t want anyone to think or worry that he wouldn’t be moving now that he and I were together. He was also worried about them asking, “Why are you doing this when you’re going to be moving?” Of course, a few of his family members didn't want him to leave. His stepmom kept asking about me and saying he should invite me over for dinner, seemingly to encourage him to stick around Texas. We talked about all of this, and the solution was that he would slowly tell his friends and family more about me, mention hanging out with me, and put pictures of us together on Facebook, so they wouldn't be as freaked out when they found out we're in a relationship. When we first started talking about this I was afraid he wanted to take the label off our relationship. But he said he feels like it would be silly to not be in a relationship with me. I loved that statement.

I did feel a bit different around him now that we had that label. I felt like I could be a little more boring, and that he could go with me on my errands. But I also didn't want to do that to him. I wanted to keep things fun. I felt we would be ok though. We talked a lot about being open with each other and telling the other exactly what we want. We also talked more about our past. We talked about fights with our exes. I kept saying I want to avoid those arguments over small things. I also said I didn't want to take things out on him when I'm having a bad day. He said he will tell me if I'm taking it out on him, and just to let him know if I'm a bad mood so he can make me laugh. I loved his attitude toward that.

I called my dad on Monday morning on my way to work to tell him I was now in a relationship. He didn’t seem to care either way though. I also told one of my female coworkers that morning. She was happy for me. I was worried that some people might say to me, "Why are you doing this when he will be moving?" My dad kind of hinted at that. My coworker said, "So you could move there if there's an office there..." I said there are three. I also didn't want people at work to think I would be moving. It’s just not a good thing for people to know. She also added in that if things go well I could move, which is exactly how I feel.

Chris told me he would be moving by the end of June. It made me feel kind of sick to hear more of a date. I could already tell that it would be hell for me if things stayed this great with us. I told Sophie, “At least he will be here for my birthday. It's just going to be insane going from seeing him all the time and having the normal relationship of watching TV together, having dinner together, going out and about together to switching to the whole communicating only through phone and internet and not seeing him face to face.” There is Skype which he used all the time with his friends in Washington. I supposed we could have Skype dates. I kept telling myself I should worry about it when the time comes, not right now. It turned my stomach into knots to think about him leaving.

Sophie and I started talking about weddings that day and I started to imagine marrying Chris in a town square of a small town in Mexico with a small amount of my friends and family around. I had always liked that idea after studying abroad in Mexico five years ago. It was easy to imagine him in that scenario, especially since he loved Mexico as much as I did.

He emailed me that morning to say he had a great time last night. He wrote, “I enjoy being able to talk to you about my thoughts. Your responses are just so great that it makes me like you more every time I’m honest with you. There is almost never a second while I’m with you where I’m not hit with a feeling of enjoyment in some way.” I felt the same way. It was amazing how close I felt with him and how much fun I had with him.

He added, “Wrapping my arms around you feels like a lock being fit with a key. It’s a perfect mathematically correct hug I think. I want to get measurements and see if I can make a proof.”

Feeling guilty

I emailed Chris that Friday morning after our talk the night before. I wanted to elaborate on things I had said the night before, and just tell him what a great night I’d had with him. I told him, “I’m so glad we met. Even if we only have a short time together it’s still wonderful. And if we have a long time together…even better.” I also elaborated on the fact that if I moved it wouldn’t be just for him, but also because I want to see the world and live all over.

He wrote back and agreed that last night was amazing. He told me, “The reason I wanted to have that conversation has nothing to do with not liking you and everything to do with liking you tremendously. I’m not worrying about it anymore after our talk. I have made the decision to just let this go where it goes.” He said the fact that I want to travel and try new places is one of the things that draws him to me. He added, “Knowing you is brining my emotional and physical well being to a place I didn’t think I could reach so soon. I hope that I can enrich your life as well. So, I’m ready to hold hands and walk forward together. You keep an eye out for hidden traps and I’ll fend off the wild animals!”

He couldn’t have said it better. I actually teared up in happiness. Of course, part of me was also wondering why I was going on the date with Tyler that night.

After work I went home to get ready for the date. I drove to Tyler’s place to meet him. He immediately offered me a drink when I arrived, which I found charming. We sat and had a drink, before heading to the area of the comedy club. Things were going fine and I was enjoying being around him. However, Chris kept entering my mind. Tyler and I arrived at the area of the comedy club and decided to eat at a Mexican restaurant close to it. I realized this restaurant was one that Chris had recommended to me. The food was great, but the conversation was a little slow over dinner. Things were more enjoyable once we walked into the comedy club. It was crowded so we stood close to each other and grabbed a couple of drinks. We didn’t have to wait long before finding a seat.

The show was great. We were cracking up at the act and everything around us. I was in good spirits as we left and drove back to his place. But then the worrying set in. He hinted at me staying the night so we could go to the chili festival by him in the morning. I wanted to go to it. I’d had a great evening with him. But I didn’t want to sleep with him. After we got to his place, laziness set in and I decided to stay the night. (My apartment was 30 minutes away.) I curled up on the edge of his bed and made sure to say how tired I was. He kept hugging me though and showing interest in wanting to mess around. I kept lightly pushing him away and feeling guilty in more than one way. I felt guilty to him because I wasn’t interested. I felt guilty to Chris because I had been on a date with Tyler and was now in his bed. My head was pounding with guilt and confusion. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. I wanted to see Chris. Then I suddenly knew what I had to do.

I stood up and announced, “I don’t think I can sleep. I need to go home.” I quickly yanked my clothes back on and grabbed my purse. Tyler was disappointed and hugged me bye. I hurried to my car, and when I turned the key in the ignition, I let out a sigh of relief. I pulled out my phone and called Chris. He was half asleep when he answered.

“Can I come over and stay the night?” I asked. He immediately said yes, and I headed to his house. It was still a long drive away and my mind was racing the whole time. I felt extreme guilt, and kept wondering I smelled like Tyler. I cried a little as I drove and hoped I hadn’t ruined things with Chris.

When I got to his place, he sleepily greeted me at the door, and I told him I needed a shower. We got in the shower together, and he didn’t seem to notice another man’s smell on me. We hugged in the shower and I whispered, “I love you,” without realizing it. He didn’t seem to hear me though, so I was relieved.

After our shower, we curled up in his bed and went to sleep. The next day was one of the best days I’ve ever had.