Sunday, September 25, 2011

Boy obsession territory


On Tuesday Chris and I emailed back and forth. He wrote, “Thanks AGAIN for the BEST Valentine’s Day EVER!! I just set up the pictures of us at my desk and it’s already giving me the warm and fuzzies every time I look at it!” He told I had looked like a goddess the night before and said he felt like the luckiest man in the world. He wrote, “Waking up to the last three mornings has really been uplifting and wonderful.  Sex with you is like reaching nirvana and just keeps getting better.” I felt lucky as well. I was so glad we had found each other.

We talked on the phone for an hour that night, mostly about my family and friends in Oklahoma. I was trying to give him a heads up on some things before we went.  

Then he offered to take me to see Josh Groban in concert on my birthday in Dallas. He said it could all be very romantic, that we could dress up, have a nice dinner, and be dorky romantic. Unfortunately, Josh Groban’s voice makes me want to rip my ear drums out. I’m the kind of person who is more into hard rock music. I felt guilty for turning down his romantic birthday idea but I had to be honest. He’s a big fan of Josh Groban though and said he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see him even though it was on my birthday. I felt very guilty for not wanting to go with him. I wanted to make him happy, but I also thought I might end up ruining the concert experience for him.

I discussed it with Sophie and Clare and found out that they both dislike Josh Groban. That made me feel better about the situation.

Chris and I emailed back and forth on Wednesday and he told me about his dream the night before. He dreamed we were in Oklahoma and visiting with a guy friend of mine/ex of mine, and suddenly the guy got physical with me and I was enjoying it. He said his heart was in his throat and he had to leave the room. I felt so bad for him. I hate dreams like that.

I instant messaged with Clare that day and talked a lot about Chris. She finally said, “Girl, you are slipping back into boy obsession territory. Every time I talk to you, you just talk about boys! You should not be talking to him all the time either! Keep yourself; you worked so hard on it. Don’t get all codependent or whatever again!” I hoped I wasn’t too bad about it. I still loved my alone time. It had been hard to get out of my last relationship because I was afraid of being alone. And it’s true that in a relationship I’ve always wanted someone who was my best friend. With Chris it was definitely getting serious and I enjoyed spending a lot of time with him and talking to him all the time. I didn’t want to feel like I needed a boyfriend. In the past I suppose I just felt incomplete if I didn’t have a boyfriend. After the breakup with my ex, I had finally felt happy with just being alone. I’ve always loved my alone time since I’m an only child, but in that time of being single I had finally begun to feel complete without a boyfriend. I understood Clare’s concern, and I didn’t want to be codependent. But I was definitely enjoying my new relationship with Chris.

Oddly, Chris told me he talked to his dad on Tuesday morning about me, and his dad told him to be cautious but also that he had nothing negative to say about me. His dad said I was pretty and that he knew I was making Chris happy; he just wanted Chris to be careful, probably because of his divorce the year before. He also chatted with his mom on Facebook and she asked how serious we were so she wouldn’t “start getting attached” to me.

Chris talked again about the failed Valentine’s Day delivery and what else he could do for me with the money. Again I felt guilty about the amount of money. He wrote, “The money means nothing because I got exactly what looked like something that would be better than ordinary flowers most people would get. You blew my mind with your gifts. I can’t believe how thoughtful and sweet you are. I wanted you to have something beautiful delivered to you that would make you feel as good as you make me feel. It just happened to cost money but it made me feel good because I wanted to hear and see your reaction to it. Now I am planning the next thing I can do to make you feel special. You and I have something rare. I am convinced of that. I want to spoil you because I feel spoiled by you.”

My heart warmed when I read that. I felt the same way. Spoiling him was fun because I loved making him happy and seeing him smile. I also loved doing romantic things for him and having romantic things done for me.

He mentioned how work was busy that day, and wrote, “Anytime I’m getting beat down I just glance over at your picture and realize how great life really is right now; so nothing is bugging me today!” I actually felt very happy at work that day too. I even made a list of the good things about that day. Some days I like to do that because it just reminds me of all the good things and helps me forget about the bad.

As the week went on I was planning what Chris and I would do in Oklahoma that weekend. He was going to meet my parents and a few of my friends. I wanted to take him to my favorite Mexican restaurant and boba tea place. I also wanted to show him places of significance in my life in Oklahoma, such as my university campus, my high school, my grandma’s house, and my parents’ old antique store.  I thought about taking him to the mall in my hometown where I always run into people I know. I thought it would kind of nice to run into people with him by my side. I have dated some losers in the past, and Chris was definitely a winner. It felt nice to be proud of the man I was dating and wanting to show him off.

I told Sophie I just hoped Chris would have a good time in Oklahoma and that my people there wouldn’t scare him too badly. Then again, it sounded like he had a variety of different types of people in his family, so hopefully he wouldn’t be freaked out by my family.

Sophie and I moved on to the topic of looking good for summer and I remembered that Chris said he wants to see me in a swimsuit. My immediate response was: “FML.” Sophie and I also talked about other self-improvement things we wanted to do such as learning other languages, writing more, and reading more books. I had all these ideas of things, but once I got off work and got home, I just wanted to relax. She said it felt very hard to fit in those things. In college I had a friend who worked a normal 40-hour a week job. We would hang out after she got off work and she would just want to lie on the couch and watch TV. Sometimes I would whine that we should go out and do something and she would say, “Anne, just wait until you have to work a 40-hour a week job.” Now I understand what she meant.

I planned on going to that marketing club on Thursday night and felt nervous because I knew Tyler would be there. It seemed so awkward. He now knew I was in a relationship.

That day I told Sophie, “I have an idea for a blog called ‘my boyfriend is moving.’”

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