Wednesday, July 27, 2011

On a time limit

Sophie and I met Chris at Chuy’s at 8 p.m., right after he got off work. They immediately hit it off and were soon making gross jokes. Yes, the talk turned to poop. They seemed to have an obsession with talking about it. I just kept laughing. Then their discussion turned to how they get grossed out about anything to do with the nose. I found it hilarious that they could talk openly about poop, but felt so disgusted by nose stuff. And I loved that they hit it off immediately.

After I got home that night, I started reading a self-help book my counselor had recommended to me. I felt like a dork about reading it but it did make me think. The book talked a lot about how we shouldn’t blame our unhappiness on others. It reminded me of how much my ex had annoyed me and how much I had wanted him to change. I had hoped he would change. For awhile I had even tried to be okay with who he was. I shouldn’t have thought I could change someone else or tried to force myself to be happy with someone who clearly wasn’t right for me. Thinking about that made me feel even better about my relationship with Chris. He had the personality traits I wanted in a relationship.

The next day Chris sent me possibly the longest email I had ever received. It discussed our future and his move. He wrote, “I hope you really think about what is going on with us and can make your decision about us smartly.” He said his situation in Washington will be one hundred percent different than it is now, and would make our interactions very different. He said, “In my opinion if I were you I would be thinking less about making the relationship work and more about, ‘Do I want to live in the Seattle area any time soon?’” He said he would be following his plans no matter what; that he really likes me but I would have to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. He said it made him sad to think our relationship may be on a time limit. He wrote that he was considering deleting his whole email and just emailing me about Valentine’s Day and other happy things. He said he felt better though if he knew I was thinking about us and the scenario we were facing.

“I have never felt so strongly so quickly about someone as I do with you,” he wrote. The best case scenario he could think of for us was if I looked into the move and found it if I could transfer there or find a new job. Then I stay here until my apartment lease is up and save up as much money as I can. If I moved up there, we would be living separately and in different towns, him with his best friends there. He said his next year was completely planned out, and if we made it through that year, anything would be possible.

I wasn’t sure if my bosses would let me transfer to another office quite yet. I had been with the company for just over a year and a half. I had tried to not think too much about the moving situation because I wanted to enjoy the present. I felt I should stay at my office for at least another year to gain more trust and experience before I asked to transfer. I doubted I would be able to any time this year. I wasn’t worried about moving. I wanted to go somewhere new, and the west coast sounded amazing. My only worry was job security. Maybe I worry too much, but I liked my job and wanted to keep it. I didn’t want to have to find a new one. I thought about discussing the possibility of moving at my annual review in July. My lease ended in October. My credit card debt and my car would be paid off this year. After that I could start saving for moving. And maybe my bosses would agree to possibly let me move after this year.

Chris added that while he would be in Texas, he was going to enjoy every second he got to spend with me. He wrote, “I know things like this are not at all common. I’m not just ‘infatuated’ with you.” He said he knew we were an amazing match, but to remember that there are other men out there. He didn’t want me to end up resenting him for moving. He also said he wasn’t sure if people are meant to be with one person their whole lives, since we all change so much. He couldn’t believe how much he had changed in the past five or so years. I agreed that we all change a lot over time. My coworker had just pointed out how much I have changed in the past year, and for the better. I felt I got to know myself better all the time.

His email made me feel emotional. Our scenario did kind of suck. But in a way it was awesome because it proved to me that he didn’t want to stay in the same place the rest of his life. My exes had been unmotivated people who had no interest in moving out of state. I wanted to see the world, so that had driven me insane. It was refreshing to be dating someone with so much passion for life.

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