Your, my, and our futures

The next day I had plans to attend my friend Ashley’s birthday party. First we would be going bowling, then to Pete’s Dueling Piano Bar. Chris had plans to see Young Frankenstein with friends and a date. I was a little jealous. He had previously invited me to go, but I had declined because of Ashley’s birthday party. Clare had exclaimed, “You’re turning down a guy with a # inch dick for a birthday party??!!” What can I say? I’m loyal to my friends. So he had invited someone else from OkCupid for a first date.

The evening was fun. As usual, I sucked at bowling. I learned that Pete’s Dueling Piano Bar is super fun. It took us awhile to get a table, but once we did we were able to relax and enjoy the music. I got very into it all, and kept dancing and singing along. I also text messaged with Chris that night. It turned out his date had stood him up. I was a little happy to hear that. After a couple hours at Pete’s, Ashley and her boyfriend wanted to go back to their place for some drinking and video games. By then, Chris was out of his play, and I invited him to join us at their place. Before he arrived, Ashley had passed out on the couch. But even after he arrived, the rest of us drank and played video games for a couple of hours.

On Sunday I had scheduled to meet a guy from OkCupid at Starbucks for a drink. I guess I went ahead and did it so I could keep my options open. After all, Chris had planned a date, plus I didn’t think he would be willing to get very serious since he would be moving. And Tyler just seemed too busy.

As it got closer to meet the guy at Starbucks, I started becoming apprehensive. I felt like I didn’t want to lose Chris, that I was risking losing him by meeting this guy. It was making me sick inside. I only ended up going because I didn’t want to stand the guy up. After I saw him I wished I had stood him up. He was extremely awkward and gross. He was one of those people that you only talk to because you feel sorry for them. I know I sound like a bitch, but I’m being serious. I tried to stumble through the conversation and quickly drink my trenta iced tea – which is hard work. Finally I said I needed to go, and he said we should see each other again sometime. I just said, “Sure,” and quickly left. I’m not good at turning people down. I ignored any text messages from him later on that week in which he asked what my last name was so he could look me up on Facebook.

I called Chris after the meet up, and he came over. I felt so ready to see him, and told myself, “No more of these stupid dates.” I just wanted to see Chris and Tyler. We watched several episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Big Love. For dinner, we picked up food to go from Fadi’s Mediterranean Grill. We ended up ordering too much because the menu didn’t accurately describe what came with the meals. We were overwhelmed with food. He stayed the night again. He was so easy to sleep by, and we showered together in the morning.

Tyler and I had planned a date for the upcoming Friday night. I was a little worried about it because I didn’t think I should sleep with him since I had been with sleeping with Chris. I told Sophie, “I mean, I practically love Chris already.” But I enjoyed hanging out with Tyler and thought he was a cutie. And I told myself that one or both were going to move, so I should keep my options open.

That Monday, Chris and I emailed back and forth again sending photos of funny stuff and cute kittens. He also sent this to me: "I really enjoyed spending time with you this weekend. I can't remember the last time I was so excited about a girl. Probably never because of my mindset now and how much I know about what I want. There is the whole moving issue. I think an important thing for us to keep doing is spending lots of time doing separate activities so that we don't end up getting hurt or making any crazy decisions. The way I think about it now is that I really like you, I'm picky as shit about girls and finding someone worth spending time and emotional involvement with is really hard. We will both still be meeting new people and there is every chance you will hook up with another amazing guy at any time.  Nothing about that bothers me. For now, my time with friends, family and you have my time booked up and it is not worth it to keep up with OkCupid. My time is valuable to me and right now spending it with you is paying off tremendously."

I wrote back to him, “Being around you makes me insanely happy. Yes, I don't want to get hurt or screw myself over (again). From how things have been so far, I think things would be great between us and I don't see there being any screwing each other over. I honestly don't have any ‘big plans’ for my future other than trying to see the world, and I would like to live in all kinds of different places just to experience it. I just want to enjoy my life to the fullest. I would definitely like to be with someone who wants to travel and try new things with me. I agree that it’s hard to find someone you can enjoy being around this much. I really don't have any doubts about you. You seem to be exactly what I want in a partner. Of course I wouldn't want to give that up, and I wouldn't want to settle for less. It's either being with someone who fits what I need out of a relationship or being alone. I've realized being alone isn't all that bad. It's much better than subjecting myself to a crappy relationship. So...I definitely want to share my valuable time with you. My life has been really great the past few months. I feel so good about life. I love it.”

He responded: “What you said in regards to me was very flattering and I have the same feelings about you. I'm unendingly excited about what our future holds. You are very right about not worrying about being screwed over. We are both good people with similar values in life. There is just so much to be excited about. For the first time in my adult life I'm really happy with the way everything is going because I'm very happy in myself. I love who I have grown up to be and that I have goals and am passionately pursuing them. Since we are both happy with ourselves it makes it so much better to share that with each other. We met at a good time in our lives.  My dad keeps saying, ‘Don't get too serious with anyone. Don't lose sight of your goals.’ For me, I'm not being serious ever again in a relationship.  I'm not a whore and my demeanor and past have made me want to spend time with you because you are worth being with and you bring positivity in my life that is exactly what I want. In fact, things with you are BETTER than anything I was hoping for. Gives me goose bumps just thinking about some of the many things I like about you. So, it makes me very glad to hear that you feel the same way.”

I told him I had talked to my aunt in California and told her about him. She had immediately said to not get serious, because of my last relationship. I told him, “I think everyone wants me to spend plenty of time being single and getting to know myself and being happy with myself. And so far so good. I've had so much fun with my friends and family the past few months and I've had lots of great alone time.” I added, “I definitely wasn't expecting to meet someone so awesome. I didn't think I would ever feel this good with someone. I love how passionate you are about things, and I would never want you to lose sight of your goals because of me or any other girl. I am excited about your, my, and our futures.”

He wrote back, “I think my dad just wants to make sure I don't get attached enough to anyone to change my plans about moving.  He knows how much it means to me to be able to fulfill that goal so I am sure he's just watching out for me.”

Then he invited me for a date to see Cirque du Soleil ‘Ovo’ on February 1. I was thrilled.

I told Sophie our conversation and she pointed out that I would be in a lot of pain when he moves. I told her I felt that pain would be worth it for a few months of complete happiness. I wrote, “I would move if things stayed great between us. If this is really how it would always be with him then I will do whatever to make it work. My goals in life are to see the world and live in different places. Seattle sounds interesting anyway. And if things don't stay like this for us then it's fine. I definitely have a few months straight with him so I will be able to get to know him well. So if things stay the way they are going then I will find a way to make it work. I might not even mind if we weren't in a relationship and he moves and we chat all the time and try to see each other. This is too good to let go of. I mean, I've never felt this intensely about someone, plus he has all the qualities I want out of a guy.”