Thursday, March 31, 2011

Breaking out

So now you know my situation. I'm going to tell you our story and bring you up to current time, slowly but surely.

I got out of a two year relationship last October. It was a bad relationship. I basically let myself get sucked into something I should have known wasn't good for me. I guess I wanted to be "in love" and I also wanted to help him because he had issues. I should have recognized the red flags. I mean, I knew I had a lot to overcome. I shouldn't have put myself through it. You can't change someone and you shouldn't be forcing yourself to accept that "this is just how a relationship has to be." I wanted to end it for awhile because I definitely felt like my 'soul' was being crushed. I do think my ex is a manipulative asshole, but we are who we are and he and I just weren't right together. I wanted things out of life - to travel the world, to see new things, to have new experiences, no matter how small. He was basically passionless and very pessimistic. It took me a long time to end the relationship. I was afraid of being alone, I suppose. I debated it with friends and family for months. We broke up and got back together. I finally realized that I would rather be alone than be with him, and that there are men out there who I could have a lot more fun with. It took way too long for me to realize this and I annoyed the crap out of a lot of people close to me. They all saw it before I did but I just couldn't. Living is learning, right? We make mistakes and we learn from them. Experience teaches you. Sometimes it feels like I wasted two years. But hopefully it brought me closer to knowing what I really need/want out of a partner.

After that breakup I spent a lot of time with friends. I spent several weekends driving approximately three hours to visit friends and family back in Oklahoma because I just needed it. I had some awesome times with my friends in Oklahoma during those few weeks. It was very memorable. I was finally getting to experience things, enjoy life. My ex also didn't like any of my friends and his two friends lived hours away from him. He never tried to befriend anyone in Dallas in the year that he lived there. He mostly sat at home playing video games and playing online. He didn't work. He didn't go to school.

So I was now overly enthusiastic about being able to experience life again and be with friends who wanted to do those things with me.

No comments: