After things with Wes died down, I started paying more attention to a new friend of mine named Jay. I had met him around the beginning of November through Sophie. She had only met him a few months prior through another friend of hers.
The first night I met Jay, I was meeting up with him, Sophie, Tara and Tim (all friends of Sophie’s) at Holy Grail Pub for drinks. I soon found out that Jay is extremely talkative. I enjoyed it because at least there was never an awkward silence. Sophie had joked about dinners with him: “At least there’s never a silent moment!” When she had said that, I remembered how, when I was around Wes, there were plenty of awkward silences.
I ordered my usual Lindeman’s framboise which sparked the usual questions of, “What’s that?” and, “Can I try it?” Jay ordered an apple cider beer and admitted that he likes girlier drinks, which is exactly what I like. We all chatted and checked out people walking in along with the waiters and waitresses. Jay thought our waitress was hot, while I thought a waiter was hot. The waiter I was eyeing looked exactly like my ex-fiancee from the past and it was freaking me out. I talked Jay into asking our waitress if the waiter was single. It took a minute for her to realize which waiter he was asking about.
“Oh, that’s my boyfriend,” she said. My friends say my face turned bright red after that. Sadly, Jay and I were both screwed.
Sophie complained over our drinks, “I’ve been single for THREE YEARS!”
I said, “I’ve been single for three weeks and I’m loving it!”
After awhile, they decided to move on to another bar called Black Finn. I was ready to leave after my embarrassment over the waiter. They tried to talk me into going, but I was feeling like a grandma and wanting to sleep. Jay and I exchanged numbers before they took off, but I never thought of it as anything other than gaining a new friend.
Jay and I soon started talking on the phone and texting each day. It was really just friends stuff. He asked if I wanted to go to dinner on a Wednesday evening. I immediately asked Sophie if she wanted to go and she joked, “Maybe he wants to be alone with you.”
I typed back, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. I just don’t want him to like me in that way.”
I managed to drag her to dinner with me and discovered he had brought his twelve year old daughter (yes, he's older). No, it definitely wasn’t a date. I was relieved, and had a great time with all of them. I was soon spending a lot of time with Jay and Sophie, and sometimes just Jay.
He and I would typically have a twenty minute phone call every night before bed. We talked about our past relationships and past dramas. I really enjoyed the phone calls. It was nice to have a guy friend to talk to about serious stuff.
After a few weeks of this I found myself starting to like him as more than a friend. This shocked me. Jay wasn’t my type at all. He was eight years older than me, had a kid, was blonde, and very muscular. He also had a ton of ambition…which was something most of the guys I liked seemed to lack. He had his own apartment too and it was extremely clean and clutter free. He owned nice things – new furniture, new truck, etc. This was definitely new for me. And I liked it.
One night at dinner I admitted to him that I was starting to like him as more than a friend. It took awhile for me to say it. I was afraid to ruin our new friendship. I told him I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship and things didn’t have to go anywhere from there. He admitted that he kind of liked me too, but was completely honest with me by saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship anytime soon and there were a few things about me that he wasn’t sure if he would want in a long term partner. This really didn’t bother me. I also felt I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and I wasn’t completely sure about him either. I just knew that part of me had developed a crush because of how easy it was to talk with him.
This was new for me – being ok with not having a status of any kind, just knowing that we like each other and not doing anything about it. An old part of me kept exclaiming, “WTF??” The new part of me thought, “This is nice and relaxing.”
Soon after we admitted we liked each other, my work best friend, Clare, came to visit from L.A. for Thanksgiving. (She recently moved out there after getting married but still works for our company.) Clare is ten years older than me but I swear she is the ten year older version of me. We’ve become very close and I’ve missed her like hell since she moved. I was extremely excited about her visit to say the least. And this my chance to get her opinion on Jay. I had him meet us after work for happy hour at a pub behind my office. He was nice and polite to her and she later said to me, “Wow, unlike all your other guys, he actually fits into society.” Oops. I guess I have kind of sucked at picking guys in the past.
I spent Thanksgiving with Clare and her family. I fit right in with them, especially with Clare and her mom. We have a running joke that Clare is my “mommy” and her mom is my grandma. Sometimes I call them mommy and grandma, and they will call me “little girl.”
Jay and I talked while I was with them, and I planned to meet up with him soon after I got back. He kept teasing me about possibly having sex. We hadn’t done it, or anything besides hold hands. It had been awhile for me and I was getting antsy, especially with the teasing things he would say. I was planning to spend the weekend with him while his daughter was with her mom. This included staying the night.
I arrived back in Dallas on Friday evening but had to spend some obligatory time with my own family. I was barely able to stick around for two hours before I finally left for Jay's apartment.