We left Tulsa a day earlier than planned. I actually felt pleased when Jay dropped me off at my dad’s house and drove away. It was good to be with family.
While back in my hometown that week, I got interested in looking at a dating site again. I had been a member of the OkCupid dating site since 2006, but had barely used it. I had updated my profile soon after my break-up and checked it occasionally, but wasn’t finding anyone interesting. I basically just checked my emails to see if anyone cute with a decent personality had emailed me, and if so, responded to his email. Since I couldn’t be on my computer much that week (no internet at my dad’s house), I downloaded the OkCupid app for my phone.
During this time, I noticed an email from a cute boy with a decent personality. His username was Chris_P. He met my listed requirements on my profile: ambitious, loves cats, loves travel. He ended his first email to me with: “The adventure begins…”
In my first response I immediately asked him where he worked, probably because I was wary since my ex didn’t work. In his response he wrote, “I have my very own cubicle and everything! Impressed?” He then asked, “What is it that brought you to OkCupid? I can’t imagine someone as attractive as you would need a dating site to meet people.” Then we talked about our recent exes and what we would like in our next relationships.
We also talked about the freedom we felt after not being with our exes anymore. I wrote, “I love feeling like myself again.” He wrote, “What is it about bad relationships that make us give up so much of ourselves?” I admitted that I did give myself up a lot, probably because I felt desperate for love. I wrote, “I still have hope that there is a guy out there who I can have ‘everything’ with – friendship, love, great sex, and someone who encourages me and that I feel like myself around.” He wrote back, “I hope someone like that is out there for me as well.”
He added, “If you ever have to give up what you want or what makes you happy for another person then that person can't be right for you. If you really like or love someone you encourage them to follow their goals and dreams and don't hold them back. Now I'm going to focus only on making myself happy, and if being myself and being happy leads me to finding someone that is also happy with themselves and doesn't need me to be the source of their happiness, I'll have found the right person.”
I was intrigued by him, but a little nervous about meeting a guy from the internet for a date. He sounded great, but I couldn’t be sure since I hadn’t met him in person. It took me awhile to call him and set up a date. I get nervous about talking on the phone with someone I’ve never actually met. The date was planned for Sunday, January 2.
But there was still a week until then. My dad brought me back to Texas on Sunday, Dec. 26. I was very happy to be back. I had been gone for nine days and just missed being in my own home. I love my family, but now I’m used to being independent.
Jay and I hadn’t spoken much since he had dropped me off at my dad’s house. I complained to Sophie that all his actions were screaming NOT INTERESTED, but he had promised me before that he would let me know if he suddenly wasn’t interested. Sophie called him ‘skeezy’ and told me I should see Tyler again.
Tyler texted me on Tuesday and said we should hang out that night. I agreed and went to his place to hang out. He cooked tacos for us, and I threw together some guacamole. While he cooked, he told me that he would probably be moving to Houston in February for a new job. I felt a little sad when I heard that, but I was happy for him. During dinner we watched a movie and ended up pausing halfway through it to kiss and cuddle. He had kissed me hello, and kept kissing me all evening. I loved the affection from Tyler, after Jay not showing any affection to me. I drove home in the rain that night and almost cried a little. I felt happy with being single and focusing on myself, but I liked the affection. I suppose I am a very touchy-feely, affectionate person.
The next day I told Sophie, “I do want to eventually have a life partner who is my best friend who I can tell anything to, who is great in bed, who is self sufficient, who will goof off with me, who will get along well with my friends and family, who wants to travel the world with me, and who is affectionate. I just hope that someday I will find a guy who is all those things. I don’t mind being single for awhile, but someday it will be nice.”
I imagined Jay giving me advice on Tyler. Jay loves to give advice about anything. He wore Sophie and me out with all his advice. I told Sophie I could hear Jay now: “Why would you even go on dates with this guy if he’s going to move soon?” It reminded me of my ex always telling me reasons why I shouldn’t do the things I enjoyed. It wore me down.
I was planning to go to a New Year’s Eve party that weekend with a bunch of people I didn’t know. Over my Christmas break in Oklahoma, I had been introduced to my stepbrothers’ cousin who lived near me, Scott. He had promptly added me on Facebook and invited me to this party.
I decided to invite Tyler to the party with me.